Respecting Your Children

    Do you believe that the way you discipline your child affects their personality and actions? Or do you believe that your child is just born the way they are? I am a believer in both nature and nurture, but I think nurture plays a bigger factor in influencing a child's behavior.

    As a part of my Marriage and Family Studies major, I have started to learn about the different types of parenting styles. There are four types: permissive, authoritative, neglectful, and authoritarian. 

    As you can see from the image above, these four types of parenting vary according to their limits on boundaries and the amount of "warmth" or love they use to discipline. With my own parents, they used a combination of authoritarian and permissive. Since my parents were often gone for work, I was free to do what I want while they were gone. If I wanted to go hang out with a friend, I didn't have to ask for permission or really have a curfew. In addition to that, we also didn't get assigned to do any chores in the house. However, whenever my siblings and I made a major bad decision when my parents were home (e.g. failed a class, hurt a sibling), my parents would act out with extreme harshness against us, as if to scare us to not make that same mistake again. With these styles combined together, I grew up with the idea that I can do whatever I want, as long as I don't cause major damage. Looking back at this, I believe this is what caused my independent spirit and my critical self.

    With my older sisters and their children, I have seen how the authoritarian style my parents used influenced their parenting. My sisters expect obedience and respect from their children without much warmth. It is not uncommon to hear them yell and even insult their children to discipline them. While I love both my sister and my parents, I don't agree with their type of parenting. From my experience, the authoritarian style made me feel like my parents only noticed the bad things I did and damaged my own outlook on myself. I felt that they didn't really care about me. It was like we co-existed in the same home and had no emotional connection or bond. However, the point of this is not to bash my parents. I know they did their best to raise us with the knowledge that they had and I'm grateful for them. My point is to bring awareness to everyone that reads to learn about the types of parenting out there and which one is best to use.  

    Out of all of the styles, the one parents should strive to us is the authoritative style. Authoritative has a balance of warmth and control that sets limits for the children while still nurturing their emotional needs. Since it's pretty difficult to try to sum up what an authoritative parent looks like, I will just give one example of this. Let's say your child is struggling to keep up their grades in school because they have been hanging out with their friends every day. Instead of yelling at them and grounding them for weeks from hanging out, take a deep breath, and sit down with them. Listen to what they have to say about their actions and try to express support and love. Then talk with them on what consequence they should face for their actions and negotiate an idea that is fair but still firm. Help the child feel responsible for their actions and respected. I feel that parents often forget that their children are people too. If we want respect from our children, we should show respect first.