My Parent's Divorce

     As someone that belongs to a church that believes in covenant and eternal marriage, the topic of divorce is one that we often don't talk about. I was taught growing up that marriage was to be between a man and woman to be sealed for time and eternity. However, there are many members of The Church of Jesus of Christ of Latter-Day Saints that get divorced, including my own parents. I was 14 years old when my parents officially separated. When I first found out the news, I kept it a secret from my friends and peers because I felt embarrassed and ashamed that my parents were splitting up. Growing up in an area that's predominately members of the church, I felt so alone because it seemed that everyone else still had a pair of married parents with them. I was already insecure at that age, but the divorce made it worse. How would my friends react when they found out that my parents didn't want to keep their covenant marriage? How would that change their view of me and my family? Would they treat me differently because of it?

    I had a lot of questions at that age concerning the effects of my parent's divorce. I'll be honest though and admit that I wasn't fully surprised when my mother told me they were splitting up. Growing up, I never saw my parents express any form of physical affection. It was also fairly common to see them yelling at each other and act resentful towards one another. I was young and thought that's how all married couples are supposed to act all the time, but I eventually learned after the divorce that my parents had a lot of problems with each other...

    Soon after the divorce, both of my parents remarried quickly. I was surprised that they found new partners so fast, but they both seemed like they were doing better. I admit it was quite awkward whenever either of my step-parents tried talking to me though. I tried to be nice to them, but I never really clicked with either of them. I was never really close to my parents anyway so it didn't mean that much to me to try to strengthen the new relationships with my step-parents. However, I consider myself lucky that I also didn't have to deal with step-siblings because my stepdad's children were older and moved out and my stepmom didn't have any. I felt like that adjustment would have been more awkward than trying to adjust to my step-parents. 

    While my parent's divorce was hard and awkward at times, I look back at these moments and reflect on how this will affect my own marriage. I don't really know all the details of why my parents got divorced in the first place but I know that marriage takes two to commit. I honestly believe that if they were both willing to work it out instead of turning to the option of divorce, they still would be together and a stronger couple than before. However, I am not in charge of my parents and they have the ability to choose and reason for themselves and I am in charge of myself. 

    Instead of viewing my parent's divorce as an influencer factor that can damage my marriage, I can take it as a lesson. I think many people that come from divorced families fear that they will follow that same pattern, but I believe that we can break that chain. There are patterns of listening, trust, and love that we can follow to build our relationships. There are so many resources we can use to build stronger marriages rather than following the trend of the world. Unless there is an abusive or harmful situation, I am a firm believer that marriages can still last amongst the conflicts they experience...what will you believe?