Marriage: What's in it for me?

      We are living in a world that is centered on marketing and consumer behavior. Every time we use the internet or even go outside, it's hard not to miss seeing an ad! Most of the ads we see advertise things we don't really need, but they are designed to convince us otherwise. If we think about it, we don't NEED that new iPhone or those Nike Air Max shoes. But we do need a form to communicate with others (a phone is very useful for that purpose) and we need good shoes to prevent damage to our feet, but we don't NEED those high priced products. These are things we want, but they aren't necessary for living, unlike basic food and shelter. I'm not saying it's bad to like or even want things that are nice and on the high end of the market, but we shouldn't let these products become the main driver of our lives. If we understand how the marketing world affects us, then we can avoid ruining our marriages and relationships due to our consumer attitudes. 

    When we see someone that catches our romantic attention, we usually try to somehow get them to notice us in that same way. The reason why that person caught our attention in the first place is due to their physical attraction and the positive perception we make of their personality. In a similar way, when we see an ad or a product in a store that catches our attention, we begin to develop an interest in it. Now, if all goes well and this other person that we like has mutual feelings, then it can spark into a relationship. If our goal is to marry and find a life long partner, then we can also compare this period of exclusive dating as a "30 day trial" and marriage as "sealing the deal."

    During the time of dating (or our trial period), we begin to see the costs and rewards of the relationship. In a book titled, Marriage and Family: The Quest for Intimacy, by R. & J. Lauer, they talk about how different social theories are connected to our attitude in relationships. One of the theories they mention is the exchange theory. The exchange theory is based on keeping our rewards (what benefits us) higher than the costs (what hurts us). If we recognize in our relationship that they are more costs than rewards, then we might start to wonder if it is worth staying in the relationship. From this point, we fall into the consumer mindset and think, "What's in it for me in this relationship anyway?" 

    I think it's healthy and normal to recognize the costs and rewards of a relationship. Sometimes, reanalyzing the costs and rewards can help us realize that we are in a toxic relationship and that we need to leave! But if we are constantly focused on viewing and centering our relationship with a "What's in it for me?" attitude, then we are only thinking of ourselves. There's a boundary between recognizing the rewards/costs and then being just straight-up selfish. If you are centered on only pleasing yourself in a marriage, then in 10 years from now when you see someone else that catches your eye (just like that ad) then you will most likely jeopardize your marriage and family because the current one you're in is not satisfying your "needs."

    This is the danger that marketing can have on our marriages. We shouldn't treat the other person in our marriage as a product to satisfy our desires. We should treat our partner with respect and love and view our marriage as a lifelong commitment to our spouse and children. There are going to be times where you're giving up everything because your partner needs extra support. Don't be so quick to give up on your marriage in order to try to pursue a new and better relationship. There's not a warranty on your marriage that you get when you agreed to marry that person; you can't just trade your current spouse in for a new person. If you are only looking to please yourself and move on to the next new "product," then you will find that you missed out on the joy and fulfillment that comes from marriage.