Creating Your Own Family Culture

         When I first think of the word culture, I often think about my Peruvian-Chinese heritage and the wonderful food and language associated with it. But aside from talking about culture in relation to our ethnicity/racial background, there is a culture that we all create within our families. For example, with my family growing up, we weren't really touchy with each other and we never expressed our love to each other verbally. However, in comparison to my husband's family, it was not uncommon to catch them cuddling and massaging each other and hear the words, "I love you!" 

    Even though I knew my husband for a couple of years before we were married, I didn't really realize how the differences with our families with expressing affection would influence our relationship until we had started to date exclusively. Now when we first started liking each other in high school, I wasn't afraid or hesitant to show physical affection when we were in private. However, as we progressed into a more mature relationship, my husband would try to hold my hand or give me a quick kiss in front of other people and I would pull away. If you saw our relationship from the outside, it basically looked like I was a bitter human being that was trapped with dating a touchy weirdo. BUT that was definitely not the case. In fact, my husband confronted me during our engagement because he noticed how I wouldn't express affection with him in front of other people. From that conversation, we came to realize that our families had affected our expectations for affection. Since then we have worked out the differences and have learned to come to an agreement, or in other words a "cuddling compromise." 

    Anyway, aside from that story, the real meaning behind sharing this post is for all of us to recognize how our actions and mannerisms make an impact on our family members. Not only did my family's culture of physical affection affect my romantic relationships, but it affected my relationships with friends. I didn't understand how much physical affection I didn't express to my friends until I served a mission and saw girls hugging each other and saying "I love you" every time they saw each other. It's not that I don't care about other people, but I just show it in a different way. Even though I still have some of my family's influence with physical touch and affection, I am working to this day to adopt some new habits of affection that will influence my future children. From my relationship with my husband, I have learned that open and frequent physical affection is how some people interpret that they are loved and cared for. I  shouldn't withdraw from reciprocating these types of affection because it could end up hurting someone's feelings.

    Overall, I've learned that it's important to understand that some of the habits and mannerisms we have may come from our family of origin but I should learn to recognize what things I want to keep and want I want to change. In fact, we can all choose to change and adapt! You don't have to be stuck with that bad habit of yelling because your parents yelled at you growing up. Instead, you can make a decision now to change. Think about what will help your family and start acting on it. If you choose to develop better habits now, (regardless of your relationship status) you will not only benefit yourself but the lives of your future family and those that interact with you.